Miss Indecisive [[to the tune of miss independent]]

Making decisions.

I’m a so-called “people-pleaser.” So I don’t like hurting anyone’s feelings. I am excellent at making decisions in my job, in areas where I hold a leadership role, usually in my own life. But when it comes to making dinner plans. FORGET it! We go on this round about you pick, no you pick, lets play the 4, 3, 2, 1 game. Oh goodness. It is quite a task. Sometimes I really just don’t care! But I am making a conscience effort to be better at this! Why, because I don’t really think it is necessary. That’s not a good explanation, but we will get there. I saw this picture earlier and it really got me thinking.

I LOVED this idea. We probably know what we want, but we are afraid to admit it. I like that millisecond of chance feeling. The “I hope” moment where I hold my breath and and wait. Anxious, excited, nervous, confident so many feelings all at once. And all occurring so quickly that my mind usually just feels like it is in pause mode. It’s the scene from the movies where they are about to win the big game and everyone starts moving in slow motion to drag out the suspense and you over think and analyze, and second guess if he will catch the ball, but then you are overcome with a sense of relief because you know of course he will. The movie has to end with the touchdown being scored right as the buzzer sounds and you know that he will indeed get the girl, the college scholarship, and the chance to make every wrong decision right again. See what I mean. Those moments are INTENSE. That was a pre planned, well written movie scene and i still got nervous. So what about our own life?

How many times do we do this in our own life? We throw in a second option just so we feel better about making the first decision. We are too afraid to commit to the first choice because what if something better comes along right after that? Yikes! I was saw a study that said in America, usually the first bathroom stall is the cleanest. This is because we don’t commit to that stall in case one beyond that is cleaner/bigger/better. It made me chuckle. The fact that someone took the time to study that, just to prove what we already know: We all fear that we might miss the next big thing. [I do however, usually pick the first stall because of this info tidbit…] Regardless of bathroom research, it’s fairly obvious that we all hesitate on always committing with 100% confidence. I mean if we did wouldn’t we be called stubborn? Or a countless number of other negative names? So for fear of hurting ones feelings, missing out on something better, laziness, or maybe even the idea of failing, we hold back. We say “you pick, no you pick” and we go back and forth until we beat the issue so far into the ground that we forgo its original intent. We need to be confident. Which doesn’t mean we are cocky. But we must have faith. For me, it is faith that God does indeed have a plan for me. That he knows the big picture far better than I could ever imagine and that I should trust him. But that’s hard to do. He did give us free will. And just what if I pick door number one and door number two has the grand prize?!? Crap. We know that society thrives off this adrenaline. We watch game shows of chance, gamble our earnings away, and live for those seconds where we think maybe, just maybe I’ll win big. But I already did. I gave everything up when I committed my life to Christ. I decide that I can be confident in the choices he has for me. Do I mess this up. ALL the TIME. I let my own stubborn ideas and intentions reign over my thoughts and actions and I try to take control and figure everything out. Let’s talk about how well that works. It doesn’t 🙂 SO for now I’m focused on taking this “leap of faith.” Trusting that my life has a plan and that I am going to do my best to serve in it to the best of my abilities.

So what’s my point here? Well as always they could be so many. But mostly I am being confident in my life today. Knowing that I should live in the present. Not hold back because tomorrow might be better, but feel courageous in my choices and although I’ll keep living for those moments of uncertainty  when the coin could fall either way, I won’t bury myself in useless indecisive ways. Enough rambling for now…..it’s my turn to choose: heads, or tails?

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