The Perfect Resume.

Y’all isn’t it funny how when you are interviewing for a job it’s kind of like you are trying to lie better than all the other people interviewing. My biggest weakness you ask? Well probably the fact that I stay up to 2am and then have to be at work at 8am and I require more sleep than that. Who the heck wants to be at work at 8am? Not me- I’d rather be eating breakfast at 8am. (Ok I can’t really complain about 8am because I like mornings, but I figured this would resonante better with y’all and I would honestly choose breakfast at 8am over work any day- luckily many days my job is to supply breakfast at work- Win Win!) But I can’t actually tell you that a weakness is I always forget how to spell restaurant. (PTL for spell check- I just used it.) Or the fact that I despise creating contracts (left this terrible process with my last job) Ya know?!?! We have to say what we want to hear. My weakness is that I care too much! Or some other cheesy line from a song that is highlighting a strength of mine wrapped into a “weakness.” Muahahahah. I’m actually pretty good at interviewing. So I’ve got them weakness/strength thang figured out!
In my next interview- when they ask for one of my strengths I would like to say that I can make an origami box. I can- it is pretty cool. Ok, ok so it would probably be better for me to tell them that I can design them a fully functioning web site with all their info/materials in a day. But who wants to do that?!?!
Crushing on this new dress! Feels like summer!

So, my friends- this is what I have for you today: Useless Skills.

10 Skills I wish I could put on my resume.

1. I am faster than 99% of people at buying movie tickets from the kiosk. Seriously people they are not trying to play tricks on you. I can buy tickets and be gone before the dude next to me even gets to the screen where you choose your movie. This also translate to ATM usage. I don’t know why it takes people an hour to put checks in their bank/get cash out, but do not worry- If you are behind me you will get to your money in a timely manner. Shouldn’t this be something we all know how to do by now?

2. I can google anything. For real people. My first reaction to any question/problem/idea/discussion/etc = GOOGLE. I could be the poster child to the average person living an exceptional life thanks to google. This might be a bold statement, but I’m pretty sure most of what I learned in order to be good at my job. . . from google. EEEEEK. Ok- so I know GOOGLE didn’t actually give me these answers. They gave me to means to the answers- But thanks to google the answers were more readily at my disposal. Let me just say I am SO THANKFUL for the iphone/google maps. I haven’t had to crack open a paper map since I first got my drivers license. I actually get in the car without knowing where I am going sometimes. And then I figure it out on my way there. HELLO- crazy talk. Also- Stop trying to make Bing happen. Google4Life.

3. I can read novels very quickly. I’m not really sure all the benefits of this skill, but I can read a good sized book in 2 days flat. Without skipping meals.staying home from works, etc etc. When learning to read I was taught to see the whole picture. To scan the line and then put the words together for comprehension. So I actually read quickly, and undertand what was just said. Sometimes my eyes moves faster than my brain and I have to re-read a line and play catch up, but for the most part. Speed. Reader.

4. I am a great grilled cheese maker. Tomato soup & grilled cheese is a specialty of mine. I can get the perfect amount of cheese in every bite, all the time. I usually cop out and make grilled cheese on my sandwich press, but when I pull out the skillet: game time.

5. I am excellent at up-do hairstyles. Where did this skill come from? My hair has never been longer than my shoulders. Lucky for me, my little sister has long, luscious locks that flow down to her waist and I was her personal hairstylist growing up. Also- she’s very peculiar about her hair, so not only did I get to do her hair, but many days I got to do it multiple times 😉 So thank KG for giving me this indispensable skill.

6. I know all the states in alphabetical order. and their capitals. I also know the preamble to the constitution. Thank you fourth & fifth grade and School House Rock. We the people. In order to form a more perfection union. . .

7. I am superb at ironing. Before you get all judge-y because you saw me the other day wearing a wrinkly shirt- sometimes I just don’t iron things! Cause I’m lazy or whatever. Either way- I really love ironing. And I’m pretty darn great at it. Probably because one of my first jobs was ironing bridal gowns. If you don’t know it takes freaking FOREVER to iron one dress. Especially since they have about 17 layers of tulle underneath them. FYI- if your dress is satin- Iron It! Not too hot though 🙂 and if it is full of tulle and other delicate fabrics- take a steamer to it. That’s all we are doing people- no special tips or tricks. However, if you buy your dress from a good place- they should do all the ironing for you. Hence my acquired skill set.

8. I know fonts. I can look at a sign and tell you the font they used. Ok, ok- I’m sure there are A LOT of fonts I don’t know. But I can find you something close. Usually the free version that’s a tiny bit different, but close enough. Did you know their is an App thats called Helvetica vs. Arial and it just shows you text and you click the correct font. I’m pretty great at it. This could actually be on my resume if I was a designer or font-finder or something. Most days, it comes in quite handy.

9. I can tie a bow-tie. Once I graduated from ironing wedding dresses, I became the window display gal [among other things] and I learned the art of bow tying. Honestly, most grooms/prom dates rent clip on bow-ties so it’s a surprise that I even learned how to tie one. But it comes in quite handy. Usually when a groom decides he wants to wear a bow tie and thinks he will be able to figure it out the day of his wedding, but then realizes it’s a tad trickier than he anticipated. It’s a skill I don’t practice too often, but luckily, I have my own personal bow tying extraordinaire of a boyfriend so it’s usually never a problem.

10. and lastly, I actually use this skill ALL THE TIME. I can design a mean centerpiece. From flowers, to colored candies, burlap or lace- you name it. I can make you a centerpiece that will rock your world. I am also pretty sure that I keep Michael’s in company by buying all the garnet and gold colored ribbon/materials they own.

I’m sure you all have a ton of fabulous useless skills too!


PS. A few things I would like to add to my useless skills category: cracking an egg with one handwriting in calligraphy  and how to make the perfect creme brûlée.

2 thoughts on “The Perfect Resume.

  1. Remember that time I made you do my hair over at least 15 times before my senior prom so it would look perfect?? Well it did so thanks for that sistafaith love you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s